I've been wrecking my brain for quite some time now trying to figure out how to help myself as much as I help others. I actually enjoy being there for others but when I look around I find it hard to see who's there for me. So as I reflect maybe there's a slight fear of "failure, disappointment, or even making the commitment to myself." It's not always that easy to be able to pinpoint or even have a desire to change things about yourself. So I've decided to do the next best thing, find a "LIFE COACH." I have a problem though, are they going to be there for me because it's their job, because I may have to pay them for their services, or has God given them the same spirit he's given me to be able to listen and help others devise a plan of action and success? The jury is still out on these questions.
So I was speaking to a close friend the other day and we were discussing ideas for her business and I got really excited and the ideas were just flowing. You see I get so excited and think that people should jump when I say jump. I did more research and came up with even more ideas for "her" business. I've actually done this several times for others and for the life of me I can't understand how it comes so easy for me to help others develop their dreams but when it comes to my personal goals and dreams all creativity ceases.
As I'm typing this my mind is all over the place too. Different thoughts of business ventures, classes I want to take, and organizations I want to join to better myself. So who's responsible for motivating the motivator??? It gets very difficult at times. I've heard people describe me as outgoing, driven, determined, tenacious, dedicated, and of all words "committed." So the idea crossed my mind to move past others and focus on me. My mom would probably say that I'm always focused on me but I know that's not true. I don't anyone would say that I was selfish person without follow up with a chuckle and a "yeah right!"
How do I make the transition smoothly without hurting others? How do I still honor the gift that God has given me to have so much compassion for others but still have enough compassion for myself? How do I shut out all the other things going on around me to focus only on me and the things that it will take to help get me to the next level? If someone asked me all these questions I could probably help them devise a plan of action but since it's for me I'm at a lost for words.
Starting today I'll create a list of goals. I'll give these goals deadlines. I'll devise my own "Plan of Action." I'll take all the necessary steps for me to reach total happiness since I'm the Captain of my Fate and the Master of my Soul. It's only fair, right? Once I've done that then I can find time to be more helpful to others and to continue to a servant of God's will. Today I'm taking my own advise. Let's Get It! #TEAM FINER THINGS
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
Recent Adventures of Erica James
So it's been over a year since my last post and so many things have changed. Some good some still very bad but CHANGED!
I don't know where to start and I think that's one of the things I've been dealing with all my life. I'm such a free spirit til anything that pops in my mind I want to accomplish it. Human Resources Professional, Event Planner, Gourmet Chef, and now the latest three: Mother, Life Coach/Counselor and Cupcake Baker! By the way there are still a few things I want to do a little bit further down the line.
So let's tackle these issues.
MOTHER - I'm not in a relationship, I'm on birth control and I am super afraid of the whole process of giving birth. I don't know how this is going to work out. So I've decided to help raise my niece. She has been a joy in my life these past few weeks. God has stepped in and gave me just what I needed. I have realized that raising a child is not a one person job. So let's add a "HUSBAND" to this list because I don't want to do it alone. So we can check this one off the list for now and I'll stick with the part-time parenting.
LIFE COACH/COUNSELOR - I've been a listening ear to so many people in my life. I remember growing up and grandmother told me that God gave me the skill to be able to witness to others. I didn't know at the time what she meant but now I get it. So I looked into a Master's program in Counseling. MORE SCHOOL? I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I just know this one thing, it feels really good to help others. I may not have all the answers, but I believe that when my opinion is asked the words that are formed came from God. Besides I have a quite a few grey hairs to prove my wisdom. LOL!! Another gift about helping others is that my words have actually been helping me. I know it's hard to tell someone to do something when it's not you, but I can't help but think that these past few months in particular has been preparing me for my next journey in life. Only God knows what that is and I'm grateful for the preparations.
CUPCAKE BAKER - I've always had this passion for cooking but I've never considered myself a baker until now. I've fallen in love with CUPCAKES! I've always liked cake but really tried to stay away because all that sugar isn't good for you. However CUPCAKES are a different story. I wanted to combine 2 of my favorite things to make one big thing: CHAMPAGNE & CUPCAKES! Well I did it. I've decided that I'll spend the next few months coming up with different cupcake and liquor combinations to create the ultimate CUPCAKE small business. I'm planning now and my goal is to really get it up & running for profit. WISH ME LUCK!!!
So I wrote this post because sometimes I feel like my life is destined to be bigger than it is. I'm very ambitious and would love to focus on one project at a time but for some reason my brain doesn't operate that way. Starting today I'm going to write done all my projects. Give them a goal and timeline of completion and embrace all that will come from it. I've never been diagnosed with ADHD but I think it's there. *wink wink* Well look for me to keep you guys posted on my adventures to come. I'm really excited about them all.
I don't know where to start and I think that's one of the things I've been dealing with all my life. I'm such a free spirit til anything that pops in my mind I want to accomplish it. Human Resources Professional, Event Planner, Gourmet Chef, and now the latest three: Mother, Life Coach/Counselor and Cupcake Baker! By the way there are still a few things I want to do a little bit further down the line.
So let's tackle these issues.
MOTHER - I'm not in a relationship, I'm on birth control and I am super afraid of the whole process of giving birth. I don't know how this is going to work out. So I've decided to help raise my niece. She has been a joy in my life these past few weeks. God has stepped in and gave me just what I needed. I have realized that raising a child is not a one person job. So let's add a "HUSBAND" to this list because I don't want to do it alone. So we can check this one off the list for now and I'll stick with the part-time parenting.
LIFE COACH/COUNSELOR - I've been a listening ear to so many people in my life. I remember growing up and grandmother told me that God gave me the skill to be able to witness to others. I didn't know at the time what she meant but now I get it. So I looked into a Master's program in Counseling. MORE SCHOOL? I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I just know this one thing, it feels really good to help others. I may not have all the answers, but I believe that when my opinion is asked the words that are formed came from God. Besides I have a quite a few grey hairs to prove my wisdom. LOL!! Another gift about helping others is that my words have actually been helping me. I know it's hard to tell someone to do something when it's not you, but I can't help but think that these past few months in particular has been preparing me for my next journey in life. Only God knows what that is and I'm grateful for the preparations.
CUPCAKE BAKER - I've always had this passion for cooking but I've never considered myself a baker until now. I've fallen in love with CUPCAKES! I've always liked cake but really tried to stay away because all that sugar isn't good for you. However CUPCAKES are a different story. I wanted to combine 2 of my favorite things to make one big thing: CHAMPAGNE & CUPCAKES! Well I did it. I've decided that I'll spend the next few months coming up with different cupcake and liquor combinations to create the ultimate CUPCAKE small business. I'm planning now and my goal is to really get it up & running for profit. WISH ME LUCK!!!
So I wrote this post because sometimes I feel like my life is destined to be bigger than it is. I'm very ambitious and would love to focus on one project at a time but for some reason my brain doesn't operate that way. Starting today I'm going to write done all my projects. Give them a goal and timeline of completion and embrace all that will come from it. I've never been diagnosed with ADHD but I think it's there. *wink wink* Well look for me to keep you guys posted on my adventures to come. I'm really excited about them all.
Monday, May 10, 2010
My Life is a Soap Opera
Do you ever feel like there's always something going on in your life? I swear there's never a dull moment. Well that's me! Now maybe I was cursed from the beginning since my father named me after one of the most famous Soap Opera Divas of all time. ERICA KANE from ALL MY CHILDREN! Go Figure!
Well I actually thought I would have the life she has on the show and in a way I do. I had quite a few bad things happen to me just like her. Men, family, success, glamour or the lack of on my part. On television she appears to have it all together, right? WRONG!!!!
You see the drama that soap operas bring to our life helps us to not think about our own drama. NOT ME! I've watched soaps on and off again for years and I you always hope for the best. You want the paternity to come out sooner than later, or the killer to be caught in the act or even for someone to just tell the truth in the beginning. It all makes sense right? Well if that happened then there wouldn't really be a need for the soaps.
So here I am talking to friend of mine telling her all the things that are going on in my life & believe it or not there's always something. I have no idea how these things always happen to me. Its like I'm a human target for DRAMA. I just keep getting back up, dusting myself off and trying again. However I just want a normal life right now. I used to live for all the things that I had going on but right now my brain can't take it.
So here goes......I've made the decision last night to make a phone call today for some help. I'll see what happens with that after tomorrow. I decided to put on a whole armor to fight these battles. I'm up against alot at this time. I can either go out like a sucker or I can fight. I swear that the fight hasn't been in me for a while now but I know I can do this. I have to fight! Just like ERICA KANE! She doesn't back down no matter what the situation is. So today I choose to FIGHT!
You can fight too! If you've lost a love one, a job, a home or just your sense of direction and purpose for being on this earth, use today to FIGHT! How do you FIGHT? Well here are a list of things that I plan on doing and they may work for you too.
HOW TO FIGHT!
1. Be honest with yourself - admit your mistakes & be proud of your accomplishments
2. Plan an exit strategy - It won't change overnight so you have to plan it out.
3. Be gentle with yourself - We are our worse critics. Try not to beat yourself up about the things going on.
4. Look for the lesson - this time in your life means something. Its preparing you to help someone else.
5. Do better the next time - Try not to make the same mistake twice.
6. Listen to your heart - It holds the key to your happiness & success
7. Use your pain as a motivator - You can channel your anger, rage and frustration to motivate you to do better. To beat the odds.
LIFE IS FULL OF SECOND CHANCES........TAKE THEM!
Erica Speaks VOLUME!!!
Well I actually thought I would have the life she has on the show and in a way I do. I had quite a few bad things happen to me just like her. Men, family, success, glamour or the lack of on my part. On television she appears to have it all together, right? WRONG!!!!
You see the drama that soap operas bring to our life helps us to not think about our own drama. NOT ME! I've watched soaps on and off again for years and I you always hope for the best. You want the paternity to come out sooner than later, or the killer to be caught in the act or even for someone to just tell the truth in the beginning. It all makes sense right? Well if that happened then there wouldn't really be a need for the soaps.
So here I am talking to friend of mine telling her all the things that are going on in my life & believe it or not there's always something. I have no idea how these things always happen to me. Its like I'm a human target for DRAMA. I just keep getting back up, dusting myself off and trying again. However I just want a normal life right now. I used to live for all the things that I had going on but right now my brain can't take it.
So here goes......I've made the decision last night to make a phone call today for some help. I'll see what happens with that after tomorrow. I decided to put on a whole armor to fight these battles. I'm up against alot at this time. I can either go out like a sucker or I can fight. I swear that the fight hasn't been in me for a while now but I know I can do this. I have to fight! Just like ERICA KANE! She doesn't back down no matter what the situation is. So today I choose to FIGHT!
You can fight too! If you've lost a love one, a job, a home or just your sense of direction and purpose for being on this earth, use today to FIGHT! How do you FIGHT? Well here are a list of things that I plan on doing and they may work for you too.
HOW TO FIGHT!
1. Be honest with yourself - admit your mistakes & be proud of your accomplishments
2. Plan an exit strategy - It won't change overnight so you have to plan it out.
3. Be gentle with yourself - We are our worse critics. Try not to beat yourself up about the things going on.
4. Look for the lesson - this time in your life means something. Its preparing you to help someone else.
5. Do better the next time - Try not to make the same mistake twice.
6. Listen to your heart - It holds the key to your happiness & success
7. Use your pain as a motivator - You can channel your anger, rage and frustration to motivate you to do better. To beat the odds.
LIFE IS FULL OF SECOND CHANCES........TAKE THEM!
Erica Speaks VOLUME!!!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Friendship
I never knew that being a "friend" could be so hard. I actually thought I made being a "friend" look easy. I would meet someone; we would share some of the same interests and develop a relationship from there. Sounds simple right? WRONG!!!!!
You see shortly after losing both of my sisters at a young age God blessed me with 2 really great friends, Kristine & Nikole (not their real names of course). They were truly there for me. We did everything together! I actually would spend my weekends with one and the next weekend with the other. They shared me equally and for that I am so thankful. They never made me feel guilty about giving the other my time. Kristine and I were roommates at one point and so were Nikole and I. Really crazy! I think this was God's way of giving me my sisters back. They each offered a different kind of compassion and love for me. The bonds felt unbreakable! As time went on the relationships grew apart, which is quite normal because we know that nothing lasts forever. Or does it?
They both got married and as for me still single & living my life! But was I truly living my life? I actually felt abandoned all over again. No more birth sisters and now no more Kristine & Nikole. I was no longer the center of their worlds. They had their husbands now. So what was I to do?
I did make new friends. Except this time it was different. I think on some level my sub-conscious told me to get more than 2 friends. Get a whole group of friends. This way if one or two leaves you'll still have more. That's actually what I did. I had several, which all served different purposes. Well let me tell you something. That didn't work either completely.
When it was time for me lean on my friends as they had leaned on me so many times they were not all there. At least not the way that I thought they should have been. I guess my expectations were too high!
But one night out the blue my phone rings and it was Nikole. It had been years since we had a real conversation just a few emails and text messages here and there, but nothing could have prepared for that night. My "friend" called me! Someone who has known me for more than half my life called. We talked about everything. She opened up to me & I opened up to her as if we never lost touch. Words can't express how I was feeling once we hung up from each other. You see there was a horrible thunderstorm going on outside that night and that conversation gave me and I think her some peace in the midst of it all.
Kristine and I rekindled our friendship some time ago and now we barely go a day or two without talking. We talk about everything and we even hang out just like we used to. Its true we're not teenagers anymore but it feels good to laugh about your childhood with someone that was actually there. I must say she's a riot and I totally missed her. So glad that she's back in my life.
I'm glad they are both back in my life!
Now I will never forget the "footprints" that were left on my heart by the other women I've shared my life with. They all hold a special place in my heart and helped me through some really tough times & were there to cheer me on during my accomplishments. For that I am forever grateful.
So I leave you with this poem that SPEAKS VOLUME!!!
Reason, Season, or Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown
Thank you Kristine & Nikole for being all 3. My friends for a Reason, a Season & now I know for a LIFETIME!
ERICA SPEAKS VOLUME!
You see shortly after losing both of my sisters at a young age God blessed me with 2 really great friends, Kristine & Nikole (not their real names of course). They were truly there for me. We did everything together! I actually would spend my weekends with one and the next weekend with the other. They shared me equally and for that I am so thankful. They never made me feel guilty about giving the other my time. Kristine and I were roommates at one point and so were Nikole and I. Really crazy! I think this was God's way of giving me my sisters back. They each offered a different kind of compassion and love for me. The bonds felt unbreakable! As time went on the relationships grew apart, which is quite normal because we know that nothing lasts forever. Or does it?
They both got married and as for me still single & living my life! But was I truly living my life? I actually felt abandoned all over again. No more birth sisters and now no more Kristine & Nikole. I was no longer the center of their worlds. They had their husbands now. So what was I to do?
I did make new friends. Except this time it was different. I think on some level my sub-conscious told me to get more than 2 friends. Get a whole group of friends. This way if one or two leaves you'll still have more. That's actually what I did. I had several, which all served different purposes. Well let me tell you something. That didn't work either completely.
When it was time for me lean on my friends as they had leaned on me so many times they were not all there. At least not the way that I thought they should have been. I guess my expectations were too high!
But one night out the blue my phone rings and it was Nikole. It had been years since we had a real conversation just a few emails and text messages here and there, but nothing could have prepared for that night. My "friend" called me! Someone who has known me for more than half my life called. We talked about everything. She opened up to me & I opened up to her as if we never lost touch. Words can't express how I was feeling once we hung up from each other. You see there was a horrible thunderstorm going on outside that night and that conversation gave me and I think her some peace in the midst of it all.
Kristine and I rekindled our friendship some time ago and now we barely go a day or two without talking. We talk about everything and we even hang out just like we used to. Its true we're not teenagers anymore but it feels good to laugh about your childhood with someone that was actually there. I must say she's a riot and I totally missed her. So glad that she's back in my life.
I'm glad they are both back in my life!
Now I will never forget the "footprints" that were left on my heart by the other women I've shared my life with. They all hold a special place in my heart and helped me through some really tough times & were there to cheer me on during my accomplishments. For that I am forever grateful.
So I leave you with this poem that SPEAKS VOLUME!!!
Reason, Season, or Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown
Thank you Kristine & Nikole for being all 3. My friends for a Reason, a Season & now I know for a LIFETIME!
ERICA SPEAKS VOLUME!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Its Ok to Speak Up!
Ok I was pondering on what would be my first topic of discussion on this blog & I have to admit because there are so many things that I want to say I may just post something everyday. In the meantime let me give you some food for thought........
I sat and watch Oprah today (something I rarely do) and she had Mo'Nique's brother on the show speaking about him molesting his sister. Now I can't help but wonder why did he feel like he needed to come on Oprah to express his thoughts, feelings, intentions and opinions. Well that is something that I will never know but there is one thing that I could relate to. That is the feeling a person gets once they realize what has happend to them, how it makes them feel, and how they are supposed to carry on with the rest of their lives after being violated.
You see I haven't seen the movie "Precious" and I don't plan on seeing it either. Why would I want to relive something so tradgic? I believe that a person like myself, Oprah & Mo'Nique wouldn't really want to revisit such a horrible time in our lives. However with that being said here are some things I would like to share with you as food for thought.
Now they say 1 out of 4 females are molested. Those odds are alarming! I think people should be mad about it actually. But what are you supposed to do when your child comes to you & say mom/dad I have been touched. No matter how young or old, no matter who did the touching, what are you to do when your child comes to you & say those words????
I'm not sure if my answer is the right answer but I would want to kill the person. I believed that the person that touched me should have died. POINT BLANK END OF STORY! Those are my feelings! If you don't like it oh well.
So as I watched Oprah & listened to Mo'Nique's parents speak about how they asked him to leave, and when he came back 2 weeks later everything went back to normal. NORMAL? What was Mo'Nique supposed to do? She was 15 when she told. I was 5 when I told & still had to see the person for years before anything ever happened him. You see just like her brother my molester is serving time for touching someone else. SOMEONE ELSE??? Why didn't it end with her & me? Why did another little girl have to feel that pain? Why didn't my parents put him in jail then? Why didn't her parents? Those are the questions that I'll never understand. Maybe because its family??????
So now I'm older and I wonder what would my life be like if that never happended to me. Her brother said he did it because it was done to him, the person that touched me I found out later that someone touched him. Now I can't speak for anyone else but myself but I don't go around molesting others because it was done to me. What a lame ass excuse!!!!
So I wonder is this why my relationships with men last for a short period of time? Is this why I'm not married yet? What severe impact has this trauma played in my life? Will I be able to fight through the feelings & get them out like Mo'Nique did in the movie "Precious"? Will I use my feeling of anger, hurt and hatred to become a successful talk show host like Oprah? How do I channel this energy into something positive that will inspire and help others?
When I told my mom I watched the show today, she asked me why? I thought I would understand why he did it and it would give me closure from my own experiences. She said that I shouldn't have watched it but right now I beg to differ. You see it brought back so many unpleasant memories, but it was the inspiration for my first posting.
I'M SPEAKING VOLUME RIGHT NOW!
I'm not a talk show host or an actress or even someone famous but I am a person with a voice. I am the one that used my voice before I had to experience years of molestation. I used my voice to tell immediately. So to whomever is reading this I hope that you can share this with someone else. I hope that I can be the voice for someone else who is afraid to speak. Use my voice if you can't use yours to tell someone that something bad is happening to you.
ERICA SPEAKS VOLUME!
I sat and watch Oprah today (something I rarely do) and she had Mo'Nique's brother on the show speaking about him molesting his sister. Now I can't help but wonder why did he feel like he needed to come on Oprah to express his thoughts, feelings, intentions and opinions. Well that is something that I will never know but there is one thing that I could relate to. That is the feeling a person gets once they realize what has happend to them, how it makes them feel, and how they are supposed to carry on with the rest of their lives after being violated.
You see I haven't seen the movie "Precious" and I don't plan on seeing it either. Why would I want to relive something so tradgic? I believe that a person like myself, Oprah & Mo'Nique wouldn't really want to revisit such a horrible time in our lives. However with that being said here are some things I would like to share with you as food for thought.
Now they say 1 out of 4 females are molested. Those odds are alarming! I think people should be mad about it actually. But what are you supposed to do when your child comes to you & say mom/dad I have been touched. No matter how young or old, no matter who did the touching, what are you to do when your child comes to you & say those words????
I'm not sure if my answer is the right answer but I would want to kill the person. I believed that the person that touched me should have died. POINT BLANK END OF STORY! Those are my feelings! If you don't like it oh well.
So as I watched Oprah & listened to Mo'Nique's parents speak about how they asked him to leave, and when he came back 2 weeks later everything went back to normal. NORMAL? What was Mo'Nique supposed to do? She was 15 when she told. I was 5 when I told & still had to see the person for years before anything ever happened him. You see just like her brother my molester is serving time for touching someone else. SOMEONE ELSE??? Why didn't it end with her & me? Why did another little girl have to feel that pain? Why didn't my parents put him in jail then? Why didn't her parents? Those are the questions that I'll never understand. Maybe because its family??????
So now I'm older and I wonder what would my life be like if that never happended to me. Her brother said he did it because it was done to him, the person that touched me I found out later that someone touched him. Now I can't speak for anyone else but myself but I don't go around molesting others because it was done to me. What a lame ass excuse!!!!
So I wonder is this why my relationships with men last for a short period of time? Is this why I'm not married yet? What severe impact has this trauma played in my life? Will I be able to fight through the feelings & get them out like Mo'Nique did in the movie "Precious"? Will I use my feeling of anger, hurt and hatred to become a successful talk show host like Oprah? How do I channel this energy into something positive that will inspire and help others?
When I told my mom I watched the show today, she asked me why? I thought I would understand why he did it and it would give me closure from my own experiences. She said that I shouldn't have watched it but right now I beg to differ. You see it brought back so many unpleasant memories, but it was the inspiration for my first posting.
I'M SPEAKING VOLUME RIGHT NOW!
I'm not a talk show host or an actress or even someone famous but I am a person with a voice. I am the one that used my voice before I had to experience years of molestation. I used my voice to tell immediately. So to whomever is reading this I hope that you can share this with someone else. I hope that I can be the voice for someone else who is afraid to speak. Use my voice if you can't use yours to tell someone that something bad is happening to you.
ERICA SPEAKS VOLUME!
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