Friendship

I never knew that being a "friend" could be so hard. I actually thought I made being a "friend" look easy. I would meet someone; we would share some of the same interests and develop a relationship from there. Sounds simple right? WRONG!!!!!

You see shortly after losing both of my sisters at a young age God blessed me with 2 really great friends, Kristine & Nikole (not their real names of course). They were truly there for me. We did everything together! I actually would spend my weekends with one and the next weekend with the other. They shared me equally and for that I am so thankful. They never made me feel guilty about giving the other my time. Kristine and I were roommates at one point and so were Nikole and I. Really crazy! I think this was God's way of giving me my sisters back. They each offered a different kind of compassion and love for me. The bonds felt unbreakable! As time went on the relationships grew apart, which is quite normal because we know that nothing lasts forever. Or does it?

They both got married and as for me still single & living my life! But was I truly living my life? I actually felt abandoned all over again. No more birth sisters and now no more Kristine & Nikole. I was no longer the center of their worlds. They had their husbands now. So what was I to do?

I did make new friends. Except this time it was different. I think on some level my sub-conscious told me to get more than 2 friends. Get a whole group of friends. This way if one or two leaves you'll still have more. That's actually what I did. I had several, which all served different purposes. Well let me tell you something. That didn't work either completely.

When it was time for me lean on my friends as they had leaned on me so many times they were not all there. At least not the way that I thought they should have been. I guess my expectations were too high!

But one night out the blue my phone rings and it was Nikole. It had been years since we had a real conversation just a few emails and text messages here and there, but nothing could have prepared for that night. My "friend" called me! Someone who has known me for more than half my life called. We talked about everything. She opened up to me & I opened up to her as if we never lost touch. Words can't express how I was feeling once we hung up from each other. You see there was a horrible thunderstorm going on outside that night and that conversation gave me and I think her some peace in the midst of it all.

Kristine and I rekindled our friendship some time ago and now we barely go a day or two without talking. We talk about everything and we even hang out just like we used to. Its true we're not teenagers anymore but it feels good to laugh about your childhood with someone that was actually there. I must say she's a riot and I totally missed her. So glad that she's back in my life.

I'm glad they are both back in my life!

Now I will never forget the "footprints" that were left on my heart by the other women I've shared my life with. They all hold a special place in my heart and helped me through some really tough times & were there to cheer me on during my accomplishments. For that I am forever grateful.

So I leave you with this poem that SPEAKS VOLUME!!!

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown


Thank you Kristine & Nikole for being all 3. My friends for a Reason, a Season & now I know for a LIFETIME!

ERICA SPEAKS VOLUME!

Its Ok to Speak Up!

Ok I was pondering on what would be my first topic of discussion on this blog & I have to admit because there are so many things that I want to say I may just post something everyday. In the meantime let me give you some food for thought........


I sat and watch Oprah today (something I rarely do) and she had Mo'Nique's brother on the show speaking about him molesting his sister. Now I can't help but wonder why did he feel like he needed to come on Oprah to express his thoughts, feelings, intentions and opinions. Well that is something that I will never know but there is one thing that I could relate to. That is the feeling a person gets once they realize what has happend to them, how it makes them feel, and how they are supposed to carry on with the rest of their lives after being violated.

You see I haven't seen the movie "Precious" and I don't plan on seeing it either. Why would I want to relive something so tradgic? I believe that a person like myself, Oprah & Mo'Nique wouldn't really want to revisit such a horrible time in our lives. However with that being said here are some things I would like to share with you as food for thought.

Now they say 1 out of 4 females are molested. Those odds are alarming! I think people should be mad about it actually. But what are you supposed to do when your child comes to you & say mom/dad I have been touched. No matter how young or old, no matter who did the touching, what are you to do when your child comes to you & say those words????

I'm not sure if my answer is the right answer but I would want to kill the person. I believed that the person that touched me should have died. POINT BLANK END OF STORY! Those are my feelings! If you don't like it oh well.

So as I watched Oprah & listened to Mo'Nique's parents speak about how they asked him to leave, and when he came back 2 weeks later everything went back to normal. NORMAL? What was Mo'Nique supposed to do? She was 15 when she told. I was 5 when I told & still had to see the person for years before anything ever happened him. You see just like her brother my molester is serving time for touching someone else. SOMEONE ELSE??? Why didn't it end with her & me? Why did another little girl have to feel that pain? Why didn't my parents put him in jail then? Why didn't her parents? Those are the questions that I'll never understand. Maybe because its family??????

So now I'm older and I wonder what would my life be like if that never happended to me. Her brother said he did it because it was done to him, the person that touched me I found out later that someone touched him. Now I can't speak for anyone else but myself but I don't go around molesting others because it was done to me. What a lame ass excuse!!!!

So I wonder is this why my relationships with men last for a short period of time? Is this why I'm not married yet? What severe impact has this trauma played in my life? Will I be able to fight through the feelings & get them out like Mo'Nique did in the movie "Precious"? Will I use my feeling of anger, hurt and hatred to become a successful talk show host like Oprah? How do I channel this energy into something positive that will inspire and help others?

When I told my mom I watched the show today, she asked me why? I thought I would understand why he did it and it would give me closure from my own experiences. She said that I shouldn't have watched it but right now I beg to differ. You see it brought back so many unpleasant memories, but it was the inspiration for my first posting.

I'M SPEAKING VOLUME RIGHT NOW!
I'm not a talk show host or an actress or even someone famous but I am a person with a voice. I am the one that used my voice before I had to experience years of molestation. I used my voice to tell immediately. So to whomever is reading this I hope that you can share this with someone else. I hope that I can be the voice for someone else who is afraid to speak. Use my voice if you can't use yours to tell someone that something bad is happening to you.

ERICA SPEAKS VOLUME!